Fe Lady

The Iron Maiden. Usually this brings up one of two mental images for most people. One's a band.

That's not the one this post is talking about. 

This is about this one:

This is one you'll hear a lot. Medieval Torture Instrument # 1. The Iron Maiden. 

There's only one problem. It's not medieval. 

Medieval Food

When asked to list what foods people ate in the middle ages, most people think of huge feats of meat, bread, and copious amounts of alcohol. 

Something like this, really:

But when pressed for details, those details can get a little... odd. 

The most common "fact" to crop up was that people ate a lot of meat, but the meat was usually spoiled, but seasoned with a lot of spices so you couldn't taste it.

Richard III

For most people, England's King Richard III is a character in a play that was required reading (or viewing) in  High School. With his recent appearance in the news, suddenly Richard III references are popping out of the woodwork. 

From what I've seen (using an exhaustive search of during-my-morning-coffee on Twitter and Tumblr) most people seem to know three things about him.

1) Shakespeare wrote a play about him.

2) He was a hunchback.

3) He murdered at least one kid, possibly two, and they were either his sons or nephews.

Is it bad that I'm so excited that my list was as high as three things about a man who has been ignored for so long?

Dirty History

Memegenerator has references to everything.

This is one that I've heard ever since I was little. People who lived before the Victorians were dirty. Except for maybe the Romans, but public baths are pretty dirty, so they were probably still dirty except for the rich. The Victorian rich revolutionized the world with their ideas of cleanliness, but it didn't really spread until the mid 1800s. 

Which means it should be simple to give the exact date of the invention of soap, right?

Pontiff Ponderings

This one comes up pretty much any time someone finds out that I spent a lot of time studying the Medieval period when I was getting my degree. The conversation usually goes something along the lines of, "Oh, you studied Medieval church politics. Did they cover Pope Joan?" *smirk* *wink wink* You know, because we only studied *Catholic Church Approved* history at my... secular... state... university. 

For those of you who haven't heard of this one (it seems to be favored in the "I watch Game of Thrones so now I'm a Medievalist crowd" {no offense to the people who like Game of Thrones, but it's not exactly a shining example of Middle Ages accuracy}), Pope Joan is supposed to be a woman who managed to hide her sex and reign as Pope for a period of a little over 2 years. But she got pregnant and delivered a baby in the middle of a parade of some sort and then was stoned to death by the crowd. Or something like that, there are a few variations of the tale. 

The story often goes on to elaborate that the entire world has covered up her existence conspiracy-style because it would be embarrassing to the Catholic Church to admit her existence, so it's a secret known by a select few and the person I'm talking to just happen to be one of the few in the know. 

*facepalm*

Ring around the noises

Got Medieval has the very best Marginalia pictures. 

You all know the poem. 

Ring around the Rosie,
Pockets full of posy,
Ashes, Ashes, 
We all fall down. 

Or some version of it anyways. 

Pretty much every-time this rhyme comes up, someone points out that it's all about the Black Death. Or the Plague. Or something similarly quasi-disease related. 

Because children's rhymes are totally the best source of historical accuracy. 

Viking Longhorns

Hagar's historical accuracy is Horrible.

Everybody is familiar with the visual image. Horned helmets mean you’re looking at a Viking. Horned helmets and long ships, it’s their thing.

Only without the horned helmets.

I know, I know, is nothing sacred?

Tasty Lady

Chocolate candies are always the most reliable historical sources.

Incidentally, you have no idea how hard it is to find pictures of this that are safe for work.

Everyone knows about Lady Godiva’s famous ride. Her evil husband’s challenge that if she cared about the people of the city so much, he’d lower the taxes – if she’d ride though the city naked at high noon. Of course, never being one to turn down a dare, she did just so, and the one person who peeked during her au natural ride (Peeping Tom) was struck blind. And then her evil husband was forced to lower taxes, and Lady Godiva went on to found a great chocolate empire with Godiva Chocolates.

Ok, most people don’t actually believe that last part. But I have heard people say it. Frankly, it sounds pretty awesome.

So, what’s to not get right? Evil husband, brave woman, struck blind man, chocolate… Just how much of it is history and how much of it is mythtory?

Medieval Witch Hunts

Monty Python. The expert of all things witchy.

Everyone’s heard someone say something along the lines of, “If I’d lived in the Middle Ages, I’d have been burned as a witch.”

Because everyone typically knows two things:

1. The Middle Ages were one big witch hunt, until the Renaissance/Enlightenment arrived and everyone returned to sanity.

2. Witches were burned alive, traditionally at the stake.